"Please"
"Thank you"
"After you"
"I'm sorry"
"Can I help?"
Those phrases are music to the ears of anyone weary of the pace of modern-day living that makes pausing to say--and to mean sincerely--those statements next to impossible. And we all have our "pet-peeves" about manners. Not waving after I let you in the lane ahead of me...not saying "thanks" after I hold open the door...blowing your nose at the table. If we made a list, we would find a wide range of them, but the common thread would be acting in a way that communicates consideration for time, place, and the presence of others. While we would prefer it if people would just "be nice," understanding what civility really entails helps those of us who work with middle schoolers do a more efficient job of reinforcing what we would like to see.
Building on the work on COMMUNITY we began the first week of school, I recently started a Morning Meeting feature called "Moment of Civility." While some topics may be more serious (gossip) and others a bit more tongue-in-cheek (blowing your nose, sneezing, and coughing protocols) we hope to reinforce civility as more than just rules. It is, according to P.M. Forni, co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project, an issue of AWARENESS. Here is the full quote from my slide last week:
That's WAY bigger than a bunch of rules meant to make us behave and be nice to each other. At this age, middle schoolers are remarkably self-focused and the "rules" of civility don't make much sense to them. However, couched in an understanding that civility is yet another way to take care of the environment hopefully engages their hearts and enables them to pay greater attention to how the things they do and say impact others. Of course, they will need practice with this over, and over, and over. And before you know it, your little darling, unprovoked by anything other than goodwill, will pen a "thank you" note to grandma for those lovely socks lovingly given at the last birthday. One can hope...
As members of the GA community, we all have agreed to follow the GA Civility Pledge. My hope is that we do so not because we now have a pledge, but because we are aware of our impact on others, and that we have hopes that the interactions we have with one another build, challenge, and encourage growth rather than recovery. Here's the pledge:
So the first "Moment" in last week's meeting was to talk about how to be a member of an audience. Our students do a remarkable job in this area and outside speakers (including recent performer, Dr. Michael Fowlin) regularly comment on this. However, I reminded them to remember that different venues require different types of participation and that how others experience an event relies heavily on audience behavior. Here is that slide:
Remembering the power you have to impact the lives of others really does elevate the discussion about civility beyond lists of rules and requests to be nice. Being aware of others, and our impact on them, is a skill that takes time and practice. In the Middle School, we try to be as deliberate as possible in teaching and reinforcing those skills in advisory, in classrooms, on the field, and all the other places where we may bump into each other. And more often that you might think, we are rewarded with a sincere,
"Thank you."
Have a great week!
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